"I took my love down to violet hill" Chris sang, looking over to Jonny as he did so while the car made it's way down the motorway. "There we sat in the snow" he continued, Jonny sighed. "All that time we were silent still" he continued to continue, staring at Jonny. "If you love me won't you let me know, if you love me won't you let me know?"
The song finished. Viva La Vida was up next. Jonny knew it and you can bet that Chris knew it. It wasn't one of Jonny's favourite songs, it never really got the Jonny Buckland seal of approval. Jonny's eyes were now closed. Chris knew that Jonny didn't like 'Viva La Vida' and, being sympathetic, decided to take the CD out of the CD player. Jonny's eyes opened after several seconds to the sight of his friend, Chris.
"Morning, sleepy head!" Chris said.
"What? What? It's not the morning is it, I haven't slept all this time, have I?” Jonny said, getting worried. Chris laughed.
“No, no, you haven’t, I am just joking” Chris said, smiling. Jonny couldn’t help but smile back at his friend.
“Chris” Jonny asked.
“Yes” Chris replied.
“Please can we stop to go to the toilet” Jonny asked. Chris thought long and hard before answering.
“Yes” he said, let’s just get round this corner and we’ll stop at that nice looking place over there.
“Chris, that is a strip club!” Jonny exclaimed, his eyes almost coming out of their sockets.
“Lighten up Jonny, it’s getting dark, it’s time for the boys to come out and play!” Chris said, pulling over beside the strip club. Chris stopped the car and unlocked the doors. Jonny reached out to open the door of the car before being grabbed by the hand by Chris.
“What are you doing?” Jonny asked before Chris produced something from his pockets. “What’s that? Are they handcuffs!”
“Yes, they are to keep you from running away!” Chris exclaimed, trying to put the ‘cuffs on Jonny.
“Great, your taking a man in handcuffs into a strip club, no, that doesn’t look weird at all!” Jonny said, generally scared.
Jonny began to squirm. “Hold still and let Chris handcuff you okay!”
“Look, they aren’t even normal handcuffs, they have the words ‘Kinky Handcuffs’ written on them” Jonny said, fearing that Chris had gone insane. The handcuffs clicked around Jonny’s wrists.
“Let’s go....gimp!” Chris proclaimed.
“Oi! Poofters” A shabbily dressed man said as Jonny and Chris approached the strip club. “This is a strip club for straight guys, y’know” he continued, laughing idiotically.
“Don’t worry they can’t say anything more” Chris said, leading Jonny to the entrance of the strip club, Jonny had his head in his hands.
“Oh and nice car” the man said, laughing even more idiotically as he walked into the strip club, past the bouncer. Chris was not impressed.
“Names please” the bouncer asked. Jonny was jumping up and down. He really needed the toilet.
“Calm down Jonny!” Chris said reaching for the whip in his back pocket. The bouncer raised his eyebrows, Chris noticed this and put the whip back in his pocket. He was overstepping the mark, just a little bit.
“Names?, what do you mean? It’s not like this is a private party” Chris said, laughing.
“Uhh, look at the sign above” the bouncer said, signalling upwards. Chris looked up and began to read.
“Stuart’s Big Bash!” Chris read. “Who the hell is Stuart”
“Someone who has just become a millionaire and he is celebrating, anyway, it’s nothing to do with you, please can you vacate the premises” the bouncer asked.
“Okay, Jonny, let’s go” Chris said, looking down. Somehow Jonny managed to look even further down and as they began to turn round to walk back to the car, a man walked out of the strip club. Chris recognised him straight away. It was Stuart.
“Stuart, you alright buddy?” Chris asked, smiling, happy to see Stuart again. Stuart, however, did not feel the same way and dropped a glass of wine on the floor. “What’s the matter buddy?”
“I’m sorry” Stuart said.
“Sorry for what?” Chris asked before Stuart realised that Chris had no idea that he was still in possession of Chris’ credit card and spending it on many things such as this party. Stuart’s expression changed to a smile.
“Nothing, sorry that I didn’t invite you to this party” Stuart said, grinning. “Let them in”
The bouncer reluctantly let Chris and Jonny in who followed Stuart.
“So” Stuart said, walking past several strippers on his way to the bar, quickly followed by Chris and Jonny. “Who is your friend?”
“This is Jonny” Chris said. Jonny suddenly burst, not literally but with words, well, you’ll see what I mean in a minute.
“Please can I go to the toilet” Jonny exclaimed. He burst with exclamation.
“Yes sure” Stuart said.
“I’ll have to go with him!” Chris said. Jonny’s face dropped.
“You are kidding” Jonny said, not believing what he was hearing. “Actually I shouldn’t be surprised after seeing what you have put me through so far today!”
Stuart thought about saying something but decided not to. He didn’t want to push it. He had just got away with theft.
“Do you want to go to the toilet or not?” Chris asked. Jonny sighed.
“Fine, take me there” Jonny said, holding out his handcuffed hands.
“We won’t be a minute” Chris said, smiling, leading Jonny into the toilets and towards the urinals.
“You can’t be serious, I’m not going to the toilet in the urinal with you holding my hands” Jonny said.
“Fine, you can be handcuffed to me!” Chris said, reaching for a key from his pocket and unlocking the handcuffs so they attached to himself as well as Jonny.
“What are you doing?” Jonny shouted.
“Don’t worry I won’t look” Chris said.
“If we are going to be together can we at least go in the toilet cubicle where no one else can see us!” Jonny asked.
“Fine, but consider this a luxury, this won’t happen again” Chris said, leading Jonny into the cubicle, banging his head on the door while he did it.
“Do your business” Chris asked, smiling.
“Why the hell do you have to smile like that?” Jonny asked.
“Just go” Chris said.
Jonny knew he couldn’t stay like this forever, before going to do, as Chris said, ‘his business’, Jonny decided to take action and, with Chris turned around, he reached into his pocket, searching for the key.
“What the hell are you doing?” Chris exclaimed.
“Getting the key!” Jonny said, still scrounging in the pocket until he got the key. Chris jumped up in the cubicle, knocking Jonny over who banged his head yet again and in the process dropping the key into the toilet.
“No, no, no!” Jonny said, nursing his sore head while staring at Chris who was staring at the flusher on the toilet. “Don’t even think about it!”
“Now we can be friends forever” Chris proclaimed as he flushed the toilet.
"Chris, Chris, are you okay, buddy?" Stuart asked, approaching Chris and Jonny as they emerged from the toilets. Stuart stared down at the handcuffs noticing that Chris and Jonny were handcuffed together. Stuart laughed. "You really do party hard, don't you!"
"Haha, yeah we do" Chris replied. Jonny was just staring at the floor, a tear dropping from his eye.
"Woah, dude, is he crying?" Stuart asked, referring to Jonny.
"Of course he isn't!" Chris said, laughing, poking Jonny in the chest. "Anyway, I think we should be going"
"No, no, stay, I insist, this is my party and I want you to have lots of fun" Stuart said, smiling as he held up a glass of champagne. The music was loud in the club, there was lots of cheering and leering coming from everyone but Jonny. He was humiliated. One man walked towards Chris and Jonny and made a cheap joke; "I always knew those Coldplays guys were gays!" before laughing and jumping on a table with a stripper.
"Stop being pathetic, Jonny" Chris said. "Lets have some fun".
Jonny had had enough and launched himself at Chris, trying to strangle him. Everyone in the club stopped and look at Chris and Jonny, even the DJ stopped and there was absolute silence as Jonny hurled abuse at Chris.
"You have ruined my life, I hate the band, I hate the music and most importantly- I hate you" Jonny shouted, punching Chris with Chris' own hand. "Stop hitting yourself" Jonny proclaimed with delight. Chris managed to push Jonny away and turned towards Stuart.
"I'm sorry" Chris said. Jonny shook his head. "Lets go, Jonny" Chris said, running out the door of the club, while Jonny managed to fall over and be dragged along the floor.
Chris and Jonny stopped outside.
"Why the hell are you stopping?" Jonny asked.
"Look" Chris said.
"Look at what?" Jonny replied.
"Look at the car" Chris screamed, fighting back tears. Jonny looked over to the car, the yellow Volkswagen Beetle with burst tires and smashed windows.
"I don't know what to say, I know that you really loved that car, I'm sorry" Jonny said, generally sympathetic.
"I did" Chris said, sighing. "Did"
"Huh?" Jonny asked.
"I can love again" Chris said, smiling. "I'll just buy another one"
"Oh, cool, I guess" Jonny replied. "How?"
"I'll just get when with my credit card" Chris said, walking towards the car.
"Now?" Jonny replied.
"Why not, theres no time like the present" Chris said.
"Where from? And how?" Jonny asked, puzzled. "You do know everything will be closed"
"Oh yeah, theres always something isn't there" Chris chuckled.
There was a pause for a few moments between the two men, stood outside of a strip club at night in the freezing cold. Chris looked over to Jonny and noticed him shivering. Chris smiled, took off his jacket and gave it to Jonny.
"Thank you" Jonny said, amazed at what Chris had just done for him. "I'm sorry"
"No, I'm sorry, look, shall we go somewhere and get these handcuffs off?" Chris asked, smiling. Jonny paused before answering.
"Not before we have some fun" Jonny said, grinning like a little kid. "Follow me" he said and began to run, Chris smiled as he followed Jonny. He didn't have much choice but, he wanted to.
Jonny kept running and running. Chris couldn't keep up.
"Slow down Jonny" Chris exclaimed, out of breath. Jonny turned round to look at Chris and as he did so he tripped over a stone onto the grass below, quickly followed by Chris. Side by side, Chris and Jonny looked at each other.
"Chris" Jonny said.
"Jonny" Chris said, complementing Jonny. "Can I have my jacket back"
Jonny laughed. "And my t-shirt, and my trousers" Chris continued, Jonny was still laughing.
"Do y'know what?" Jonny asked, slowly taking over Chris' jacket and his t-shirt and trousers, like Chris asked.
"What?" Chris replied, smiling as he began to see more of Jonny's flesh.
"I'm a liar!" Jonny proclaimed.
"And why are you a liar?" Chris asked, wondering what Jonny was going to say next.
"I said that I hated you!" Jonny said. Chris put his hand on his shoulder. "I've got a question" Jonny asked as Chris' hand made its way down his chest.
"Yes?" asked Chris.
"What is the opposite of hate?"
"Love"
Chris heard a noise. He had been awake for several minutes but his eyes were still shut. The noise continued as Chris opened his eyes. Chris looked down to his feet and then his legs and then his torso- he was fully clothed. Chris rolled over and by his side, stood up was Jonny Buckland.
"Jonny" Chris said, smiling. "Did we stay here all night then?" he continued, laughing.
Jonny wasn't smiling or laughing as he did up his shoe laces.
"Jonny" Chris said again, he was worried.
"Don't talk to me, Chris" Jonny exclaimed.
"What's the matter?" Chris asked, standing up, staring into Jonny's eyes.
"I need to go" Jonny said, looking away and turning round. "I don't even know where I am"
"Well I do" Chris said, wrapping his arm around Jonny before realising something. The handcuffs were gone.
"Jonny...how did you?"Chris asked.
"It doesn't matter" Jonny replied. "Now, I've got to go"
"Jonny! Don't be stupid!" Chris exclaimed.
"Stupid" Jonny exclaimed, turning round. "Stupid! You think I'm stupid!"
"Yes you are, you can't deny your love for me!" Chris said.
"Love! Love?" Jonny shouted. "You think that one night was love? You don't know what love is!"
"I didn't until last night" Chris said.
"It was all because of that bloody car!"Last night, well, i've never regretted anything more in my life!" Jonny exclaimed. Chris paused before looking up at Jonny.
"Just go" Chris said. "Just go" he demanded.
"Gladly" Jonny replied as he began to walk away. As he made his way onto the pavement, Chris shouted back at him.
"Thank you for clothing me" he muttered, like a baby. Jonny couldn't help but smile but he knew he had to walk on. He did until he stopped once more and reached in his pocket and produced Chris' credit card. "You know that guy Stuart?" Jonny shouted.
"Yes" Chris said, quietly, keeping back his emotions.
"He had your credit card oh and he's the one who got the handcuffs off, it's amazing what you can do with a paper clip" Jonny said, turning round and walking towards Chris, passing him his credit card.
"Thank you" Chris said, smiling. "Look, last night, that was just a bit of fun wasn't it? Nothing serious! We'll laugh about it in a few years!"
"Yeah" Jonny replied. "In a few years"
At that moment a taxi pulled up by the road and beeped it's horn
"I'm guessing that's yours" Chris said, not even looking at the taxi.
"No" Jonny said. "It's yours"
Chris looked round and on the road was Stuart in his Yellow, Volkswagen Beetle. Chris' face lit up as he ran towards it. Stuart got out of the car.
"Stuart" Chris said, stunned. "You fixed it!"
"Not exactly" Stuart replied. "It's brand new, but it's just as good as your one!"
"Thank you" Chris said, kissing Stuart on the forehead. "And you bought it for me!"
"Uhh, not exactly, I used your credit card" Stuart replied, being careful at what he said.
Chris started laughing. "Ha, that's just what I would do"
In the midst of this strange conversation over a strange car Jonny slipt away, jumping over garden walls, through gardens- anywhere, away from here.
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